Priorities
by dogbertcarroll
Summary: The zombie apocalypse has come, but with almost a full day's advance notice it's not as bad as it could be... or is it?
1. Chapter 1

**PRIORITIES**

"So, the whole world ends in a zombie apocalypse?" Xander asked.

"It looks that way," Giles agreed.

"Can zombies swim?" Xander asked.

"No... I don't believe so, why?" the elder British man replied.

"Because we could set out to sea and wait however many months it takes for the zombies to fall apart from rot or insects," Xander pointed out.

"That... is a very good point," Giles said thoughtfully, as he took off his glasses and cleaned them.

"How long do we have?" Xander asked. "I mean, are zombies going to crash through the door in the next five minutes or is it next month during the dark of the moon?"

"We have just twenty-two hours," Giles said. "Possibly an hour or two less due to the presence of the Hellmouth."

"Alright, so we have to get as much money as possible and stock up on supplies," Xander said.

"And the matter of a boat?" Giles asked.

"We arrange a seven-day rental of a tug boat and barge," Xander replied.

"And barge?" Giles asked.

"Tug boats are easy to operate and hard to damage," Xander explained, "but they don't have a lot of storage. We get a barge we can easily chain down a number of storage sheds filled with supplies and still have room for... any number of things."

"How much do you think we'll need?" Giles asked.

"Everything," Xander replied instantly, "not that money will matter in the end, because when we do return to land money will be worthless."

"I, yes, I see what you mean," Giles said. He closed his eyes and took several deep breaths before opening them again. "You seem remarkably calm and knowledgeable about what to do."

"I've seen tons of zombie movies," Xander replied with a shrug. "I can also handle nuclear war and alien doppelgangers."

"I wonder if those movies were written for that reason," Giles said.

"No idea," Xander replied, "but I guess it doesn't really matter at this point."

"No, I suppose it doesn't," Giles agreed.

"We should be planning what to take and who," Xander suggested. "Also, I'd call the council and tell them the plan as well."

"Yes, I better get started on that," Giles agreed, slowly walking into his office deep in thought.

Xander started a list of things they'd need and could buy along with a list of things they'd need and have to steal, probably at the last minute while everyone was running around screaming and dying.

"What are you doing?" Willow asked as she and Oz entered the library just ahead of Buffy and Angel and saw Xander furiously scribbling away.

"You do know we've been juggling apocalypses, right?" Xander asked, not looking up from his work.

"Yeah," Oz said cautiously sensing something big was going down.

"Do you think we were the only group juggling?" Xander asked.

"I did, but I'm guessing we weren't," Buffy admitted.

"Not by a long shot," Xander said, adding items they'd need to deal with Oz during a full moon to his list.

"What's all this?" Willow asked, glancing over his lists.

"I don't know how many groups were out there juggling apocalypses," Xander said, "but it was kinda inevitable that someone would drop the ball at some point and that point was about forty eight hours ago. We have about eighteen hours maybe more, but best not to chance it, before it hits."

Buffy grabbed Xander's shoulder and forced him to turn and face her. "What is going to happen?"

"The dead are going to rise," Xander said bluntly, finally focusing on them. "All of the dead."

"A zombie apocalypse?" Oz asked in disbelief, showing emotion for once.

"As cliché as it sounds, yes," Xander replied. "Thankfully its limited to humans, maybe primates, Giles wasn't sure. Anyway, this isn't something we can fight, but it is something we can survive."

"How?" Angel demanded, grabbing Buffy's hand.

"By going to sea," Xander explained. "Zombies aren't immortal, between insects and mold they should all be gone in about six to nine months tops."

"A werewolf is too dangerous to have in close quarters," Oz said.

Willow turned to Oz horrified at the thought of leaving him behind.

Xander snorted. "We don't have to worry about noise or being discovered. We can put a harness on you and hang you over the water. Worst thing that can happen is you fall in the water and we make you dog paddle until morning."

"Oh," Oz said, surprised.

"Plus, we'll have Angel and Buffy on hand to help prevent any problems," Xander reminded him.

"You're not going to complain about Angel?" Buffy asked.

"No, we don't have time for it and he has his uses," Xander said.

Xander not complaining about Angel brought home how serious the situation was to the rest of the group.

"Money is about to become completely worthless, so don't bother trying to save any," Xander said. "I'm planning on setting some pre-fab buildings on a barge and filling them with supplies."

"A barge?" Buffy asked who'd pictured a cruise ship or a yacht, not having any other experience with going to sea.

"Basically, a floating dock the size of a parking lot," Xander explained. "We slap a tug boat on it and we have plenty of room for supplies."

"You think big," Oz said.

"We can rent U-Hauls, pack all our stuff and drive the trucks on-board," Xander said. "Two-day rental is cheap and there is enough room in the back of a fifteen-foot truck to set up your bedroom comfortably and they have up to twenty-six-foot trucks available. Toss everything in a truck and you can sort it at sea."

"how big is a barge?" Buffy asked.

"The one I have just acquired is seventy-six point two meters long and twenty-two meters wide," Giles said as he came out of the office. "It is a load line barge, whatever that means."

"It means it is large, flat, and certified for international shipping," Xander said, looking relieved. "Did you get a tug to go with it?"

"Two," Giles replied. "I said I'd like a spare and they were more than happy to oblige."

"How big is it in real measurements?" Buffy asked. At Giles confused look she said, "You know, feet?"

Giles sighed and rubbed his temples, muttering about bloody Americans before answering, "Two hundred and fifty feet long and seventy-two feet wide."

Buffy's eyes got wide. "That's huge!"

"A little under a third of a football field," Willow said, "which gives us plenty of space."

"If we had more time we could save a lot of people," Xander said, "but we don't have the time or the money. The most we can do is grab as much supplies as possible and those closest to us."

"My parents..." Willow said paling, as she realized they were far beyond her reach.

"Call and tell them... something," Xander suggested. "Lie and make up something believable. If they can lock themselves in a fallout shelter or something similar they should be OK."

"I... I'll claim a virus from a military research facility has gotten loose," Willow said. "They'll buy that and they have a lot of friends who are doomsday preppers."

"Call them now," Xander ordered. "The more of them that go to ground, the more that will survive."

"My dad's in Spain," Buffy said as Willow rushed off to use Giles phone, "and hasn't left a number."

"Mine are in the rain forest," Oz told her.

"Why?" she asked. Oz shrugged in response.

"I doubt mine will believe me, but I'll tell mine as well," Xander said.

"I can prove vampires exist," Angel offered.

"That would probably help," Xander said, "thanks."

Willow returned. "I don't know whether to be happy or concerned, but they bought the government excuse instantly and have sent word. Apparently, everyone was on 'two-hour notice' because of the latest space-shuttle launch."

"Weird, but at least they'll be safe," Xander said.

"Why do you have a list of places to loot?" Willow asked as she looked over what Xander had written.

"Because there are things we need or could use, that we don't have the time or money to get legally," Xander replied. "Once the apocalypse starts, everyone who'd object to me shopping will probably be too busy dying to care what I do."

"The liquor store I could maybe see, but the video store?" Willow asked.

"Alcohol has a number of uses and the liquor store also carries cigarettes and condoms, among all the rest," Xander replied. "As for the video store, it's on the bottom of the list because it's a target of opportunity like Radio Shack, B Daltons and Toys 'R' Us. See, even if we all become bisexual swingers in the next five minutes, we'd still need something more to do for entertainment than each other after a few months at sea.

"Point," Oz said, breaking the awkward silence that Xander didn't even seem to notice as he started working on his lists again.

"Did you cover feminine hygiene?" Buffy asked Xander.

"Part of looting the pharmacy," Xander said absently. "A few boxes isn't going to be enough, so I was planning on emptying the store room."

"Port-a-potties?" Willow questioned.

"For on deck," Xander replied. "It's a bit easier than having to go to the tugboats every time you have to go."

"Bathing facilities?" Buffy asked intently.

"The ocean?" Xander shrugged. "There might be a salt water shower on the tugboat."

"Put a lot of moisturizer and skin cream on the list," Buffy suggested.

"Grab some paper and make your own list," Xander said. "The more we each do, the more we'll have in the end and we only have one shot at this."

"Also put down which store you're planning on hitting, so we don't cover the same territory," Oz said as he and Willow started on their list, checking Xander's as they planned theirs out.

"Go for the heaviest stuff first," Xander suggested. "We are going to need generators, diesel type, and solar panels and... stuff to improvise solutions to other problems with."

"Other problems?" Buffy asked.

Xander shrugged. "Stuff comes up, I'm planning ahead."

"Solar panels could power radios and TV and such to monitor how things are going," Willow said.

"And provide entertainment and ice," Xander said.

"Prepackaged meals, MREs," Oz said suddenly.

"Surplus store," Xander replied. "It's one of my stops."

"What if Mom doesn't want to go?" Buffy asked suddenly, recalling her Mom's initial response to her being the slayer.

"I have the tranquilizer gun we use for Oz," Giles said. "She'll come whether she likes it or not."

"Do you have a spare one?" Xander asked.

"Yes, why?" Giles replied.

"That would make cleaning out some of our shopping list easier," Willow said.

"Something like that," Xander agreed. "Once we have our lists done we should get started."

"We can't do much until the U-Haul place opens," Angel pointed out.

"We can let Joyce know what's going on and do a bit of sorting to figure out what to take and leave," Xander replied. "Plus, we need to pack up all of Angel's stuff and Angel in Oz's van."

"I'll rent a van for the day," Oz said, tossing Angel his keys.

"Thanks," Angel said, surprised he hadn't thought of it himself.

"Make sure they have a ramp to drive onto the barge," Xander told Giles. "Normally they do, but let's make sure it's down and ready. I gotta tell my folks and start on my own stuff, I can grab a box truck from my Uncle Rory so I don't have to wait."

"Do you need my help?" Angel asked.

"Maybe, I'll check with you later if I need to," Xander replied, "for now assume I don't."

Angel nodded. "We should start boxing all of Giles books and weapons anyways."

"Yes, we should!" Giles exclaimed suddenly realizing he'd completely forgot that aspect of things.

"Where are Wesley and Cordelia?" Xander asked.

Willow and Buffy exchanged nervous glances causing Xander to frown. "I got it," he said, guessing what they were hiding, "and it doesn't matter. Give them a head's up. Where's the spare tranq pistol?"

"I'll go get it," Giles offered.

 **0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

Xander stared at the apartment door. He took a deep breath and stepped forward. He rapped a quick 'shave and a haircut' on the door and waited.

The door opened. "Did you forget-" the young girl began then froze on seeing Xander and the gun in his hand.

"I'm here to see Faith," Xander said.

"Sorry, not here," the young girl said nervously, "but she'll be back at any time!"

"It's a tranq pistol," Xander said, trying to soothe her fears. "see?" He held it up and showed her how the dart was loaded in it.

"And that's better?" she asked dumbfounded.

"It's certainly better than killing someone," Xander said.

"That was an accident!" the girl snapped out angrily, her fear forgotten.

"Not what I mean," Xander said, trying to calm her down. "Let me start over. Hello, my name is Xander Harris and I'm here to see Faith Lehane."

"My names Dawn Lehane and I'm not going to let you hurt my sister!" the dark-haired girl said with a glare.

"I don't want to hurt her, I'm trying to save her," Xander said honestly.

"Prove it," Dawn said.

"How?" Xander asked.

"Give me the gun," Dawn said reasonably.

Xander weighed his choices and sighed. "Fine, I'll give you the gun, you let me talk with Faith, alright?"

"Deal," Dawn said, extending a hand.

Xander handed the tranquilizer pistol to the young girl. "Please let her know Xander is here and desperately needs to talk to her. We have an apocalypse-"

 ***PFFFT***

Xander looked down at the dart in his leg. "How am I going to save her now?" he asked as his vision started to dim and everything went black.

 **TYPING BY: Lohoydo**

 **TN: It's a common joke in BtVS fanfiction of Dawn taking a tranq gun and net and chasing after Xander in Africa. I wanted to make an Omake about her deciding time travel and changing history to get him here was easier than going to Africa, but I wouldn't have been able to do it justice.**


	2. Chapter 2

Xander came to, tied to a chair in the center of a chalk diagram in a parking garage.

"It's always important to double-check," the Mayor said cheerfully, "both your magic circles and your assumptions." He spoke a word of power and the chalk lit up with a soft blue glow, highlighting the lighter colors the Mayor, Faith, and Dawn were wearing.

"Why'd you come after me?" Faith demanded.

Xander found himself answering without thinking about it, "I can't just let you get killed when I have a chance to save you."

Faith looked surprised and confused, turning to the Mayor with a question in her eyes.

"What is the threat to Faith?" the Mayor demanded.

"The Infinity Orb was stolen," Xander replied.

"I didn't take shit!" Faith quickly defended herself.

"Oh dear," the Mayor said, looking worried. "How much time do we have?"

"I don't know, I was shot with a tranq pistol," Xander replied.

"When is the apocalypse due?" the Mayor asked.

"Midnight most places, ten to ten thirty here," Xander replied.

"Apocalypse?!" Dawn squeaked out.

"All of the dead humans, and possibly some of the higher primates, are going to rise and devour the living," Xander replied.

Dawn clung to a white faced Faith.

"How can we stop it?" Faith demanded.

"We can't," the Mayor answered before Xander could. "As long as the Orb of Infinity remained in place, all was well, but the moment it's stolen… it doesn't matter if it's returned or not, the covenant with Anubis is broken."

"How are you going to save me from that?!" Faith asked in disbelief.

"By taking you to the barge we rented so we could wait out the apocalypse at sea," Xander replied.

"A barge?" the Mayor questioned.

"A barge a third the size of a football field connected to two tug boats," Xander answered, unable to stop himself. "Using U-hauls to help beg, borrow, and steal supplies we should be safe and reasonably comfortable during the death of most of humanity."

"Most?" the Mayor asked.

"We spread the word of what we were going to do to the council and told the Doomsday preppers that the government had accidentally released a bio weapon," Xander replied, his mind running over the details. "There are well over a thousand people who's preparations for various end of the world scenarios will keep them safe for the six to nine months needed."

"Six to nine months?" Faith asked.

"Insects and rot will destroy the zombies," Xander replied.

"That is true," the Mayor agreed. "Humanity will rise again, though we are looking at, at least a century or more before the population gets remotely large enough for my purposes."

"What do we do?" Faith asked the Mayor.

"Can you save them?" the Mayor asked Xander.

"Yes," Xander replied, "if I haven't been unconscious too long, as I still need to gather supplies."

"It's only been half an hour," Dawn said.

"Yes, I can save them," Xander said.

"What about you?" Faith demanded. "They may let me on board, but I think they'll draw the line at letting you even near them."

"Always have an exit plan, my dear," the Mayor said, placing a hand on her shoulder. "I have a way to save myself, but I hadn't planned on you or your sister, so let's find a way to save you both and not worry about me, alright?"

"Alright," Faith said, relieved.

"Will you save them?" the Mayor asked.

"Yes," Xander replied.

"Great," Faith said sourly, "we're putting our lives in the hands of the donut fetcher."

The Mayor chuckled. "My dear Faith, you must never judge a book by its cover, well hardly ever. If he was a simple high school student he wouldn't be involved in Summer's little group."

Faith gave Xander a skeptical once over. "I'd say this is one of the hardly ever cases."

"Let's find out," the Mayor said. "What's your most impressive achievements?" he asked Xander.

"I've prevented the Hellmouth opening by facing down a gang of zombies, figured out how to destroy the Judge, split the Slayer line, and broke a true prophecy," Xander replied.

"Surprised knocking boots with a Slayer wasn't included in there," Faith said, trying to cover her surprise.

"I don't consider being forced to have sex a great achievement," Xander replied.

Dawn and the Mayor both turned to stare at Faith.

"Whoa! Hold the phone!" Faith exclaimed. "I did not force him!"

"What happened?" Dawn asked Xander.

"After saving her life and getting her back to her motel room, she yanked me inside and forcibly stripped me-" Xander began.

"You could have said no and that hardon sure as hell wasn't saying no!" Faith interrupted.

"You would have taken my refusal as a personal rejection, caused severe injuries to me in response, and been forced to dispose of me to cover for yourself," Xander replied.

"I'd never!" Faith yelled looking pale and upset.

"Why are you so sure about this?" the Mayor asked.

"Between dealing with several Slayers and being possessed by a Primal Spirit, I have a good grasp on how Slayers react," Xander explained, "adding in Faith's 'want, take, have' philosophy just underlines it."

"Just because he believes it doesn't mean it's true," Faith defended weakly.

"So you only went along with it because of fear?" Dawn asked.

"Not only, just mostly," Xander replied.

"What did you expect to happen?" Faith demanded.

"I wanted someone to tell me I did well, possibly a small gesture of affection like a hug," he replied. "What I expected was a simple nod and being told goodbye."

"Spell's weakening," the Mayor noted as the light the chalk emitted flickered. "What will you do if I release you?"

"I will take the girls, request as much cash as possible, and continue with the plan," Xander replied.

"You're saving us for money?" Dawn asked.

"No, money is going to be worthless shortly," Xander replied. "The money is to help gather supplies as quickly as possible."

The Mayor broke the circle with his foot, causing the sputtering light the chalk was giving off to wink out. "Let's get you out of these ropes."

"Thanks," Xander said as he stood up. "Money and tranq gun please."

"I'll send somebody along for the money, but why the tranq gun, now that Faith is willing to go along with it?" the Mayor asked.

"If a clerk gives me too much trouble or I don't have the money to cover what I need, I'm going to dart them and continue on," Xander replied.

"You're just going to rob them?" Faith asked, still trying to fit her head around his lawless behavior.

"Yes," Xander said bluntly. "Zombies aren't going to need it and everyone here is as good as dead."

"Do you have a list of supplies you need?" the Mayor asked cheerfully.

Xander passed him his list.

"This is mostly store names and notes to grab large amounts of certain things," the Mayor said.

"We have space and can't stop in to pick up anything we run short of, so I was going to grab everything possible," Xander explained. "When I said loot, I meant it. I don't have time to be more exact."

"Take care of your family and my girls, I'll handle your list," the Mayor told him.

"That would help," Xander said honestly. "A refer truck with frozen foods and ice cream wouldn't go amiss either, just have them drive everything aboard and leave the trucks."

The Mayor turned to Faith and Dawn. "I wish we had more time together, but maybe this is for the best. Your souls will certainly be cleaner hanging around them. No tears now, save those for later in private." The girls hugged him and he patted their backs. "You've both made me very proud. Off you go now."

"I need my tranq gun," Xander told the pair as the Mayor turned and walked off.

"The boss if filling your list," Faith said. "Not seeing why you need it."

"I may have to tranq Willow when she sees you," Xander told her.

"What about Buffy?" Faith asked.

"No 'may' about it," Xander said.

Dawn pulled the pistol out of her jacket pocket, reluctant to let it go.

"Keep it for now," Xander said, "we need to load up the truck with all your stuff and go tell my parents what's going on."

"Why aren't you more upset?" Faith asked as Xander turned and headed for the exit.

"I don't have time to be upset," Xander replied. "I will have months to whine and cry later, for now I have shit to do."

"I don't mean about the zombies," Faith said as she followed him.

"There was an aboriginal tribe that used to shoot those that betrayed the tribe with a needle made of bone," he said as they climbed down the stairs. "It wasn't poisoned, but any member of that tribe that was shot with it would instantly drop dead."

"What the hell does that have to do with anything?" Faith demanded.

"The tribe said if you got shot with the needle you'd die, they said it enough that everyone believed it and would actually die when shot with it," Xander said, "but the needle caused very little damage."

"Still not getting it," Faith said.

"Our tribe hasn't told me I should be emotionally damaged and instead just drops a bunch of macho crap on me saying I should have enjoyed it more," Xander explained, "so I am more upset at being kicked out and ignored than the sex itself."

"I… I don't know what to say to that," Faith admitted. "I mean it's fucked up… but to your advantage?"

Xander shrugged. "All I know is we are all fucked up in different ways, learn what they are and avoid making them worse."

"So… we're cool?" faith asked.

"We are a long way from cool, you've also tried to strangle me to death and kill my friends," Xander replied, "but that doesn't matter right now. What matters is you personally have done your best to save the world and none of the bad stuff you've done comes close to the amount of good done by doing that."

They exited the ground floor and saw a stream of vampires packing Faith and Dawn's apartment into Xander's stolen box truck.

"Good, this saves time," Xander said. "Next my parents, then we pack my stuff, which isn't much, just a bed, dresser, and clothes along with some odds and ends."

"Why all the furniture?" Dawn asked.

"So we can set up our own apartments in the back of the trucks," Xander explained. "Sleeping on the deck of the barge would get old fast and we have the room so this is a fast and easy way to give us at least a little comfort."

"Couldn't we just grab an RV?" Dawn asked.

Xander turned to Dawn, who began to look nervous, worried that she'd said something stupid as he just stared at her for a moment. "Any other ideas you have while we're doing this I want to hear." He opened the door and saw the keys were still in the ignition. "As soon as this is loaded, we'll drop it off on the barge and go grab a couple of RVs."

Dawn beamed, making Faith forget her own problems for the moment.

"Don't forget the can opener," Dawn said. "I've seen a couple of movies where they got the goods but no way to get to them."

"Housewares," Xander said. "We're going to need kitchen and bathroom stuff. Plates and silverware so we aren't just eating straight out of cans."

"What about fresh water?" Faith asked.

"I'll have Giles order some water tanks." Xander said. "We're going to have to build a filtration system to keep them filled, but we don't have to worry about that for a couple of months."

"Fuel and generators?" Dawn asked.

"Generators yes, fuel… Going to have to steal a fuel truck," Xander said. "I'll wait till the panic hits, since the Mayor is taking care of so much I've got time."

"Do you know how to hotwire a truck?" Faith asked.

"No," Xander admitted.

"Then 'we' will steal the fuel truck," Faith said.

"I am so glad I decided to kidnap you," Xander said with a grin, "between the two of you, I feel a lot better about this."

Faith recognized the look in Dawn's eyes and considered warning Xander before deciding that while she did owe him, she owed her sister more.

 **Typing by: Abyssal Angel**

 **TN: How are they going to deal with modern day pirates I wonder… There would be other survivors who make it onto boats, and they're not going to be as well prepared, so they'll have to turn to looting the other survivors, and a giant barge makes a tempting target. While any boarders would get a nasty surprise when it comes to melee, the Scoobies aren't exactly equipped to deal with the guns they're bound to face, especially if they do a few strafing runs to subdue the target before boarding, and take out some of the heaviest hitters before it even enters a melee.**


	3. Chapter 3

"Wish me luck," Xander said as he pulled up in front of his house.

"Luck?" Dawn asked while Faith suppressed the urge to wince.

"My parents aren't very… parental," Xander explained. He sighed. "I'm probably going to have to sober them up a bit to get them to understand what I have to say."

Dawn took his hand and gave it a squeeze. "You aren't alone," she reminded him.

Xander seemed to relax, some of the tenseness leaking out of him. "Thank you," he said, giving her hand a squeeze in return.

Faith smirked. If Dawn kept this up she'd have Xander landed in no time.

"And worst comes to worst, we got a tranq pistol," Dawn offered cheerfully, making Faith sigh, sure she'd blown it.

"Yeah," Xander said with a smile. "Be a shame to use ammo we may need later, but it would solve the problem."

"Exactly, now go in there and get it done, because the sun is going to rise soon and we got shit to do!"

Xander nodded with a determined expression and marched into his house.

"What?" Dawn asked as she saw the expression on Faith's face.

"I can't believe I never noticed how alike you two are in some ways," Faith said, shaking her head.

"Really?" Dawn said, smiling brightly.

"Yeah," Faith said with a snort, "shoot first and ask questions later, ain't no such thing as overkill, and the quickest path through a maze is to drive a bulldozer."

"You say that like it's a bad thing," Dawn said, making Faith laugh.

Xander returned carrying a letter with a thoughtful look on his face. "My parents are doomsday preppers and have left me directions to a group shelter that seems to be mostly composed of their AA group."

"Your parents are in AA?" Faith asked, surprised.

"Yeah," Xander said, "the group meets in a closed down bar twice a week that has a three drink minimum."

Both the Lehane sisters turned to stare at him.

He shrugged. "Yeah, it's a Sunnydale Alcoholics Anonymous group, naturally it's going to be weird. They own the bar and the money from the meetings went to keeping it stocked and ready for some sort of Mad Max future if I'm reading this right."

"That's weird, even for Sunnydale," Faith said.

Xander nodded. "If you can handle my dresser, I can toss everything else in a trash bag and we can be done in minutes."

"No problem," Faith said, "let's do this."

"I'll help," Dawn said, wanting to see his bedroom.

"Follow me," Xander said.

The two Lehane sisters followed him into the house, noting the unkempt lawn on the way in. The smell of stale cigarette smoke and spilled alcohol didn't even merit a raised eyebrow, nor did the signs of obvious damage scattered about and the obviously amateurish repair jobs; they had seen worse.

"You got the master bedroom?" Faith asked, surprised, as they climbed the stairs.

"After one too many falls down the stairs, they decided I should have it," Xander explained as they entered his room.

Dawn looked around, noting it was reasonably clean, no adult magazines were left out, though there was a decent amount of used tissue in his wastebasket.

"Holy shit!" Faith said on spotting a massive wooden wardrobe. "That's your dresser?!"

"Yeah," Xander admitted. "Too heavy?"

"Nah," Faith said after giving it a quick lift, "but I'm pretty sure I could get to Narnia through it."

Xander laughed. "Don't worry about scratching it up, it's practically indestructible."

"Yeah," Faith said, examining the doorway and then looking at the wardrobe he used as a dresser. "I need a heavy blanket and some duct tape cause I'm going to have to drag it to get through the door."

"Give me just a minute," he said, heading downstairs.

Once he was gone, Faith lifted up his mattress and Dawn pulled out everything that was hidden there, dumping it on top of the bed after Faith had dropped the mattress back in place.

"Latest Penthouse and Playboy," Faith said, "pretty normal."

"No Hustler," Dawn noted. "Stake, knife, cross, and squirt gun, probably filled with holy water."

"Tame, but not neutered," Faith said with approval as Dawn stuck it in the bottom drawer of the wardrobe on top of his socks.

Xander came up the stairs with a thick grey blanket and a roll of duct tape. "Let me stick some things in the dresser and we'll be half way done."

The girls shared a grin as he flipped up his mattress only to find nothing there, but were surprised when he lifted up the box spring to reveal a couple of knives that looked positively ancient and were definitely made of silver, as well as a couple of folders, a thin leather bound tome, and a magazine.

Dawn snatched up the magazine. "Hah, latest Hustler!"

Xander rolled his eyes, having half expected Faith to respond like that but not Dawn. He put everything in his sock drawer, pleased to find the rest of his stuff already tucked away.

Then he pulled the bed away from the wall, revealing the sheetrock behind the headboard had been cut away to make room for a lock box.

"I don't want to know what kind of porn requires a safe," Faith joked.

"No porn, though it does contain a couple of magazines," Xander replied as he turned the dial.

Faith watched in surprise as he swung open the door and pulled out a pair of pistols in holsters and half a dozen loaded magazines. "What the fuck?!"

"Some problems you can solve by shooting," Xander replied as he took off his wind breaker and put on the holsters, one under each arm.

"You aren't planning on offing a bunch of people and letting the zombies cover for it, are you?" Dawn asked.

"No," Xander replied, "the zombies will take care of everyone on my list all by themselves without any effort on my part."

"Good call," Dawn said, "I'm guessing my list is covered then."

"Am I the only one who doesn't have a list of people to off?" Faith asked sarcastically.

"You don't have a list?" Dawn asked curiously.

"Let's get to work, OK?" Faith said, wondering if maybe the Mayor was more right than he knew about not judging by appearance... and maybe she should keep a closer watch on her younger sister.

Xander threw on his windbreaker and opened his closet, revealing a number of boxes and a handful of jackets and outfits. He tossed a number of jackets and some other things in a trash bag. "OK, I'm ready."

"What's in the boxes?" Dawn asked while Faith wrapped his wardrobe in wool and duct tape.

"Comic books, photo albums, and stuff I saved," Xander replied.

"We takin' it?" Dawn asked.

"No, zombies aren't going to be interested in it, so I'll just leave it here," he said.

"I thought everything would be destroyed for some reason," Dawn admitted as she thought about it.

"Same here," Faith agreed.

"Wild fires may be a problem in some areas," Xander admitted, "and flooding in others, but for the most part, everything is going to be right where we left it when we return."

"Just with a lot more animals and less people," Faith said numbly as she realized the world was going to change in a big way.

"Our biggest enemy is going to be other people," Dawn said.

"Yes and no," Xander said. "We will have more than enough space and supplies for a good chunk of people, but not everyone behaves rationally and we are going to have people who think they have a right to take things, order us around, and what have you."

"Are we hitting a gun store?" Dawn asked.

"That we are," Xander agreed. "I've got one on my list that the mayor is taking care of, but just in case, we are going to want to be armed."

"And swords and stakes just won't cut it," Faith realized.

"Bad pun," Dawn said as she followed Xander downstairs.

"Yeah, yeah," Faith waved it off as she laid the wardrobe on its side, checking under and behind it for anything else Xander may have hidden before picking up one end and dragging it to the stairs.

"Why the spice rack?" Dawn asked as Xander raided the kitchen.

"I have no idea what kind of food we'll be eating, but I do know fresh fish is going to be on the menu and I am not one for unspiced sushi," Xander replied.

"I didn't take you for the sushi type," Dawn said as Xander raided the cabinets for more spices and various packages of dry food.

"Not too long ago I was almost turned into a cousin of the Creature from the Black Lagoon," Xander replied, "that left a few more mental scars and a taste for seafood."

"How did that happen?" Dawn asked.

"I was investigating what was skinning and eating the school swim team," Xander replied. "Turns out the coach was dosing the team with something that was turning them into monsters who shed their skin. In the end I needed a complete blood transfusion, but I came through OK and I can swim circles around the Olympic swim team now."

"Cool," Dawn said as they followed Faith as she dragged the wardrobe outside. "What happened to the coach?"

"Buffy knocked him into the sewers and he was devoured by all the fish men," Xander said. "It was a nice Twilight Zone ending."

"Buffy's killed people?" Faith asked in shock.

"Of course," Xander said. "Doing what we do, casualties are inevitable. I've body checked a guy into the hyena enclosure at the zoo. He did not make it out. We left Ford to be eaten by vampires, and none of us shed a tear. I tried to explain this to you a while back, but you thought I wanted sex and… Angel was forced to rescue me. I did not like owing him one. Thankfully he knocked me unconscious and left me on the street at night that one time, so I figure we're even."

"You were serious about helping me," Faith said, surprised.

"Yeah," Xander agreed. "The only one of us who hasn't killed anyone is Willow, though the thing with Ford could count against her."

"So my staking the deputy mayor wasn't that big a deal," Faith said.

"Not as big of one as you thought," Xander said. "Besides, Buffy was also responsible as she's the one who threw him to you."

"Shit," Faith said with a sigh. "I really should have heard you out before getting handsy."

"Shit happens, just try and listen more," Xander suggested as he opened the back of the truck so Faith could put the wardrobe inside. He dropped his trash bags of stuff on a sofa, waited for her to lay the wardrobe on its side, and hopped out so she could close the back.

"I'll try," Faith said softly.

"OK, let's go drop off the truck and figure out where we need to go next," Xander said. He paused as he opened the driver's side door and saw what had to be over a million dollars in bundles of hundred-dollar bills. "Well, fuck!"

The two girls turned and stared at him clearly confused at why he wasn't pleased at seeing all that money.

"It's helpful and all, but it's taking up most of the seat," Xander pointed out. "Remember in about twelve hours all it'll be is fancy toilet paper."

"That's depressing," Faith said with a sigh.

"So, we're worth more and money, less," Dawn said slowly.

"Yeah," Xander agreed with a slowly growing grin as he considered it. "that's the way I see it too."

"The only thing of any real value will be people, because there will be tons of everything else just lying around," Faith realized. "Well… after the zombies are gone."

"It's going to be a completely different world," Xander said.

"We're going to need more guns," Dawn said. Seeing the other two turning to look at her, she explained, "I saw this special on Chernobyl and after the people were gone, the wildlife, wolves and bears, made a huge comeback."

"And the people at the zoo are definitely going to open the cages when they realize what is happening," Xander said. "You don't take the job unless you love animals."

"I really hope the animals like zombies," faith said, "but yeah… we are going to need a lot of guns."

"Binoculars and telescopes," Dawn said suddenly. "Since we can't rely on the news for long, we need some way to check the shore."

"That is a lot safer than what I was thinking of doing to check," Xander said. "Remind me to do something nice for you."

Faith bit her lip to keep from laughing at the expression on her younger sister's face, covering it by busying herself stuffing a few bundles of cash where they could conveniently grab them later.

"I know of one thing you could do for me," Dawn said, licking her lips.

"Yeah?" Xander asked, not completely clueless, but sure he was reading her wrong.

"You can take me to Wendy's so we can steal their soft serve machine," Dawn said seriously.

Faith just stared, surprised she hadn't seen this coming.

"Done and done," Xander agreed, shaking her hand. "Not sure it counts as a favor since it's another thing I'll love."

"Don't worry, I'll think of something else you can do for me later," Dawn said as innocently as possible.

Faith burst out laughing.

"What's with her?" Xander asked.

Dawn shrugged. "Slayers," she said, rolling her eyes.

"Tell me about it," Xander said with a smile.

 **Typing by: Abyssal Angel**


	4. Chapter 4

"Holy shit, that's huge!" Faith said as they looked at the barge which easily dwarfed, not only the two tugboats tied to it, but the dock itself.

"That's at least half a football field," Dawn said.

"Yeah, I think the 'third of a football field' measurement was just referring to amount of useable deck," Xander said as they stared at it.

"Why is there a three-story building on the back of it?" Dawn asked.

"Offices and possibly living quarters for the people on board," Xander guessed.

"And a crane on front to load railroad cars and shit," Faith said.

"Giles really outdid himself," Xander said as they slowly drove up to the wide metal ramp that would allow them to drive onto the deck.

"This still feels unreal," Dawn said, voicing what they were all thinking.

"I would love for us to turn out to be wrong," Xander admitted, "but I don't see it happening." He eased the truck slowly onto the metal ramp but the weight didn't cause the barge to shift a millimeter as he drove onboard.

"Big Tweed is already here," Faith noted as she spotted Giles onboard arguing with someone.

"Let's go see what's going on," Xander suggested, driving over to where Faith had gestured near the superstructure on back.

"And I'm telling you even if we put a rush on it, it'd take at least eight hours and cost another 20 grand," the man told Giles.

Xander leaned out the window and Giles nodded to him before returning to his conversation. "I understand and I don't mind the charge, however wire transfers from Great Britain require additional time to clear, so I would appreciate if you would simply add it to my bill for my return."

"It's against company policy," the man replied, "While we can charge vehicle rental and repair against accounts, consumables like fuel and water require payment up front."

"Pass me thirty," Xander told Faith, who popped the glove box and passed him three bundles of hundreds.

"Pardon?" Giles said, turning to Xander who handed him the money out the window.

"Pay the man and have him fill all the tanks, replace the toilet paper, and anything else he can think of," Xander said.

Giles passed the money over. "Sufficient?"

"Easily," the dock worker assured. "Hell, I'll get Benny to check the oil and refill the soap dispensers in the bathrooms."

Faith passed Xander another bundle and gestured towards the dock worker with her chin.

Xander tossed him the bundle. "That's for all the little things we don't know enough to ask about so we can leave on time."

The dockworker grinned. "Yes, sir. I'll make sure of it." He strode off with a spring in his step.

"Where did you get all that money?" Giles asked, nodding politely to Faith and Dawn, not at all surprised Xander had picked up Faith and another young person.

"The Mayor," Xander replied. "In exchange for the safety of Faith and Dawn, he's also going to be delivering a number of trucks filled with supplies."

"I… I hadn't thought he'd be so agreeable or place such a high value on Faith," Giles admitted.

"People are complicated," Xander said. "He's probably going to do a sleeping beauty act until the human population recovers so he's not our problem anymore. We can write some prophecies to bug future Scoobies about him later, when we're bored."

"Alright," Giles said. "I'll warn Buffy about Faith, so she doesn't do anything rash, but I'd suggest keeping the tranquilizer gun handy, just in case."

"Will do," Xander agreed. "Also, Dawn came up with the idea of test driving or renting RVs and bringing them on board."

"That's brilliant," Giles said. "Why did none of us think of that?" he asked rhetorically.

"Also, she suggested making sure to grab household supplies like silverware and plates as well as binoculars and telescopes for when the TV and radios go down, so we can scan the shore."

"All things we would likely overlook and need later," Giles said. "Miss Dawn, it is very nice to meet you."

"Thanks," Dawn said, beaming at having her contribution acknowledged.

"We need a ride to the rental place," Xander said. "Got your car with you?"

"Yes, I parked it on the pier," Giles replied.

"Good," Xander said. "If the Mayor comes through, and I believe he will, we'll have plenty of time to make sure we have everything and pull out early."

"That would be wise," Giles agreed sadly, knowing they were leaving the majority of the city to die.

 **OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

Giles and Faith sat in the front of Giles' car while Dawn and Xander were crammed in the back seat, though Dawn had solved the space problem by having Xander turn sideways and climbing on his lap.

"Wake me when we get there," Dawn said, pulling Xander's arms around her like a blanket and closing her eyes.

Xander was a bit surprised, but seeing Faith's amused grin put him at ease and he found himself nodding off as well, Dawn a comforting weight in his arms.

"Where is the rental place?" Faith asked.

"Just a couple of miles outside of town," Giles replied. "It's rather a large facility, but I suspect the real reason it's outside of town is for safety rather than tax purposes."

"If they're in the know this may be easier," Faith said, "we drop the bomb and he lets us borrow what we want with the understanding that if the world doesn't end, we return it all."

"That would be helpful," Giles agreed.

An awkward silence fell in the car for several minutes until Giles finally broke it, "I wasn't aware you had a younger sister."

"Didn't trust you guys enough to tell you," Faith said flatly.

"Not an entirely unwarranted response," Giles admitted. "While I will maintain that you overreacted, I cannot in good conscience say we did not give you at least some justification for it."

"What?" Faith asked, not wanting to try and untangle his overly wordy reply.

"We all screwed up," Giles said as simply as possible.

Thinking over what Xander had told her, she slowly nodded. "I could have handled it better," she admitted, "but the thought of Dawn alone on the streets of Sunnydale…"

"I understand," Giles said. "You should know that the group is… in a way… a family to us."

Faith considered that for a moment, thinking of what she knew of the Scoobs and their home life. It explained why they had all acted so betrayed when she was just looking out for herself and her little sister, not to mention why they were so reluctant to let her into their group. "Fuck," she said softly, realizing how bad they'd all screwed up.

"Indeed," Giles agreed with just a hint of amusement.

The silence was much less awkward this time. The sun was just above the horizon by the time they'd reached Dave's RV World.

"Whoa," Faith said as she saw the acres of vehicles parked in neat little rows.

"Yes," Giles agreed, "I heartily concur."

Faith looked in the back seat and smiled. "Almost hate to wake them."

Giles consulted his watch. "We have nearly ten minutes until they open, so why don't we discuss our plans and see if we can solve some problems before they start?"

Faith nodded. "The Boss is filling Xander's wish list, so we're pretty much just grabbing what my little sis suggested, RVs, dishes and shit, plus some binoculars and telescopes."

"That covers a lot of the bases," Giles said. "I would suggest expanding the list of items to anything that catches your eye."

"Huh?" Faith asked.

"Obviously you are going to need to purchase a number of different things to set up a household properly," Giles explained, "but since you are only going to get one shot at it, be sure to wander the mall and buy anything that catches your eye. In fact, buy multiples so you can replace anything that breaks or wears out in the coming months. If you decide you don't need or want something, you can always stow it in one of the trucks."

"No idea how much of everything I use, but I get the picture," Faith agreed. "We can grab an RV, take it to the mall, and then stock it with all the stuff we need, just to be sure we got it. I mean, I know the boss dots the I's and crosses the T's pretty well, but he's a bit busy with his own thing as well and we're wingin' it here."

"Exactly," Giles agreed.

"You going to fill up on magic junk?" Faith asked.

"Pardon?" Giles asked, not sure what she meant.

"Going to shop for all the stuff you need to cast spells and such, since I don't imagine much of it is on the lists we already got," Faith explained.

"I hadn't thought of that," Giles admitted. "I'll have to wait until the banks open as the shops that do sell such things don't take credit, but thanks to you three we are no longer as pressed for time."

"Nah, I'll cover you," Faith said. "As Xander pointed out, it's all just going to be funny colored toilet paper by the time midnight rolls around anyway so there's no use hanging onto it. Just pick up some For Dummies and Beginner's Guides so we got something to do while we're waiting, ok?"

"We are going to have an excess of time on our hands," Giles said with some surprise. "It's been so long since I've even had a day off I'm not sure what I'll do. Teaching magic isn't a bad idea. Thank you, Faith. I believe I will take you up on your offer."

Faith nodded and looked over at the prefab building they'd used for an office. "Looks like they're opening a bit early," she said.

"Good, while we may have more time, sitting around doing nothing is frustrating," Giles said.

"Xand, sis," Faith said loudly. "Wakey, wakey!"

Dawn slowly woke up. "Must have dozed off."

Xander sat up, adjusting his hold on Dawn but not letting her go. "Whoa, nice selection of RVs," he said.

"The RVs are nice," Faith said, "but look at those tour buses."

"I wonder if they deliver," Dawn said.

Xander and Faith exchanged looks and shook their heads.

"Ok, new plan," Xander said. "We have them deliver half a dozen RVs and tour buses while we rent a good size box truck and hit the mall. We hit a couple of specialty shops on the way to the barge and we should all be on board and ready to pull out by eight."

"Why so early?" Faith asked.

"Cause delays kill and I'm not taking chances with any of you. We are all going to be safely away when it hits the fan," Xander said firmly.

Dawn had to stop herself from purring as she grinned.

 **OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

"I, I can barely believe it," Joyce said as she packed up all her clothes, Buffy taping the box up and setting it to the side.

"I know," Buffy agreed. "We worked so hard and sacrificed so much that it's really screwed up that someone else… screwed up."

"At least Giles was ready with a backup plan to keep you safe," Joyce said, feeling an urge to hug the man who honestly did his best to keep her daughter safe by making her strong enough to face anything.

"Actually, I think the plan was mostly Xander's," Buffy said.

Joyce stopped what she was doing. "Really?"

"Yeah, but don't worry, Xander has probably seen every Zombie movie ever made and he is great at coming up with crazy ideas that actually work," Buffy assured her.

"This actually seems pretty well thought out," Joyce pointed out.

"Like I said, he's probably seen every Zombie movie ever made," Buffy said with a grin.

"Well, I for one am glad of it," Joyce decided. "I think I've got everything I need except furniture and we can use a truck for that. Are you sure we are going to have room for my SUV?"

"Easily," Buffy assured her. "Wait until you see the ship, it's huge!"

"Alright, then I suppose we should drop all this off and grab some breakfast while we wait for the bank to open," Joyce said.

"It'd be quicker just to make breakfast here," Buffy said.

"No dear, it only seems quicker because I do most of it while you are still asleep, also we might as well enjoy eating out while we have the chance," Joyce explained.

"I suppose you're right," Buffy said. "Can I have cinnamon buns?" she asked hopefully.

"We'll buy enough for days," Joyce promised.

"Really?"

"Of course," Joyce reassured her. "Now let's go, food and coffee await, and I have not had coffee or my morning cigarette yet."

 **OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

"Are you sure that's all you need?" Willow asked as she looked at the dozen boxes in the back of the truck Oz had borrowed from his cousin.

"Everything else I plan on buying new," Oz replied. "I figure my college fund is going to come in very handy today."

"What?! But you need that to…" Willow trailed off and looked thoughtful. "We will be hitting the college book store," she finally said, it was not a question.

"And a music store," Oz added.

"To buy tapes or instruments?" Willow asked.

"Both," Oz replied.

"We should pick up a box of condoms," Willow suggested, blushing bright red. They hadn't had sex yet, but considering what was going on, she was pretty sure they would be in the coming months.

"We are going to be at sea for six to nine months," Oz reminded her.

Willow's face went blank for a moment as she was deep in thought before she said, "OK, and add a sex shop to the list. We need condoms, lube, videos, handcuffs…"

Oz's eyes widened a touch as she continued with the list… before adding a few items of his own. It wasn't like they had to use everything they were getting, but waste not, want not.

 **Typing By: Abyssal Angel**


	5. Chapter 5

"It's almost six, so we got two hours," Xander told Dawn as the pair waited in the box truck while Faith went into the smoke shop, "Any ideas?"

"Head back to the ship to see what we got, grab another box truck, and do some last minute shopping?" Dawn suggested.

Xander thought about it.

"Yeah, if everything went well we should be good, but we really should check ourselves."

"And get two dozen pizzas," Dawn said.

"We'll stop and pay in advance so they can get started on it," Xander decided. "It takes some time to make that many pizzas."

The sound of the back of the truck opening and things being loaded drifted up to the pair, so they waited for Faith to join them before continuing their conversation.

"You ok, sis?" Dawn asked as Faith rejoined them, her eyes a little red and watery.

"I just ran into Buffy and Mrs. S," Faith said before clearing her throat and wiping her eyes, trying to pretend she hadn't just done that.

"You ok?" Xander repeated Dawn's question, looking over and finding no injuries.

"I'm fine," Faith said. "They… tried to convince me to come with them."

Xander grinned.

"Seriously?" Dawn asked, surprised.

"Yeah," Faith agreed with an honest smile. "After everything that's happened they still tried to get me to go with them. Had to explain Xander had already grabbed me before they would stop."

"They're good people," Xander said.

"Yeah, I'm beginning to get that," Faith agreed.

"So… what's next?"

"Pizza and a quick check on what's onboard before we head out for one last load," Xander replied.

"Sounds good," Faith said, buckling up, "let's do it."

 **OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

"Holy shit!" Faith exclaimed as they drove onboard and saw the line of semis parked on one end opposite the tour buses and RV's parked at the other.

"Ok, I think we are good for supplies," Xander said, shocked. They parked next to the semis and got out of the truck.

"The boss thinks of everything," Faith said, gesturing to the tanker trucks. "Guess we don't need to steal any fuel trucks after all."

Xander nodded. "Guess we just need to pick up our pizza and… hit a convenience store or two for the hell of it."

"And pick up some lawn furniture," Dawn said, looking at all the empty space on deck.

"And stuff for a campfire," Faith added.

"Yeah," Xander agreed, seeing the sense of it.

"Where's the other U-haul?" Dawn asked.

"Parked it near the crane," Faith said. "Hopefully it's not completely blocked by the semis." Faith slipped between two tankers leaving the pair alone.

"Is it bad that I'm actually looking forward to this?" Dawn asked.

"No," Xander replied, "you didn't cause it so you don't have any reason to feel guilty about it and between laughing and crying, I'll take laughing any day."

"I meant is it bad that I'm not feeling bad about all the people that are going to die," she explained.

Xander shrugged. "People like to guilt trip others for not feeling bad about strangers dying, but even before this occurred, there were people dying all over the world every minute of every day, and no one really cared unless they lived close to them and spoke the same language. Care about your family and friends, strangers are optional and anyone who says otherwise is lying, because otherwise we'd spend all our time crying and nothing would get done."

"That makes sense and makes me feel a little better, thanks," Dawn said.

A U-haul truck rounded the corner just barely avoiding scraping against a semi.

"And it looks like our ride is here," Xander said, opening the passenger side door for Dawn to climb in.

"Our third and last truck," Faith said, "and we probably are going to only pick up enough stuff to fill the second one which was only half full at best."

"Gives us room to move stuff around," Xander replied as they buckled up.

Another RV drove up the ramp while they were getting ready to leave, taking a spot next to the others. An unfamiliar man got out and headed for the dock, leaving the keys inside.

"How many RV's did we ask for?" Faith asked as they drove down the ramp.

"A dozen and three tour buses," Dawn replied.

"I thought we were joking about that," Faith admitted.

"Kinda, but we have room to spare," Xander replied. He saw Oz and Willow pass them driving a truck towing a horse trailer towards the barge.

"Anyone else you wanna grab?" Faith asked as they drove off the barge.

Xander considered it and shook his head. "Not enough time to convince anyone and kidnapping is risky. Really we had the choice of lots of supplies and little people or little supplies and lots of people, and this made more sense," he explained.

"I may have kidnapped someone," Dawn admitted.

"Really?" Xander asked.

Dawn winced. "She backed her car into the truck while we were at the mall."

"And that made you decide to kidnap her?" Faith asked.

"She started talking about insurance and how it was going to take hours to straighten out," Dawn explained, "so I lured her into the back of the truck, darted her, and covered her with a blanket so you wouldn't notice."

"Good call," Xander told her with an approving nod.

"What?" Faith asked, surprised at his response.

"We couldn't afford to waste the time and she did it smooth enough no one noticed," Xander replied. "It's saved us time and her life, can't ask for a better result."

"Good point," Faith agreed. "Nice one, sis."

Dawn smiled, relaxing in her seat. "We could probably grab some prostitutes and pay for a full night."

Faith laughed. "Damn sis, I didn't know you swung that way."

"I don't!" Dawn blushed bright red. "I meant they would come along with no questions asked for cash."

Xander grinned. "True, but with our luck we'd get nabbed by the cops while doing it. If we knew some personally we could do it, but it's too risky otherwise."

"No problem bringing working girls?" Faith asked curiously.

Xander shrugged. "Like everything else it depends on the person. Most of the time, hooking is just because they have run out of options and it's a lot more honest than any number of things you could do for money."

"Didn't figure you'd know that much about it," Faith said, surprised.

"I may have been dating someone who was rich, but trust me, it didn't change me any except to make me think even less of the upper crusties," Xander said.

"They're that bad?" Dawn asked, surprised.

Xander shrugged. "The ones who compete for status are. A good rule of thumb is, if they flaunt their wealth, they aren't worth much as a person… or are new to having money."

"Snooty people suck but some are just regular people who got rich and are insecure?" Dawn asked, hoping she had it right.

"Pretty much," Xander agreed. "I may be a bit bitter because dealing with kids of rich people is even worse, but it's only the ones who didn't care about money or focus on it that were worth a damn."

"Like who?" Dawn asked, eager to learn more about Xander even if it was just about people he knew.

"Cordelia's grandmother, Betty," Xander said with a grin. "She is someone to respect. She has a great sense of humor, knows what's what, and doesn't flaunt anything. They only time she bothers with something expensive is if it's actually worth it."

"Cool," Dawn said. "Would she listen if you said the zombie apocalypse was coming?"

Xander shook his head. "She'd say I was full of shit and once she realized it wasn't a joke she'd probably try and get me locked up for my own good and she's got the money to do it too. If I had half a chance I'd tell her, but…" He sighed.

"Lie to her," Dawn suggested. "Or maybe just convince her to get everyone to go to their yacht for a surprise party to avoid any problems. They have yachts, right?"

"Cordy's parents have a yacht but Betty gets seasick looking at the sea, so that's out. They do have a fallout shelter to make themselves look important though."

"Look important?" Faith asked as they pulled in front of S-Mart.

"It was another fad among the rich a decade ago and now is a community service thing where they claim that the community can use it in an emergency because they are generous civic minded people," Xander explained.

"Can you get them to hide down there?" Dawn asked. "I mean it only takes a couple of hours between the dead getting up and it hitting the air waves so they'll stay put."

"Yeah… I think I can pull that off," Xander said. "Betty still owes me one for helping sneak out the guy she was seeing when Cordy's parents came back early from vacation."

Faith shut off the truck. "You make the call, we'll grab the furniture."

"If this works, I'll owe you one," Xander told Dawn, a smile on his face.

"I'll save it for later," Dawn told him, "now get moving while we load up."

"Yes ma'am," Xander said, snapping off a salute with a grin and rushing off.

Faith raised a hand and Dawn gave her a high five. "Racking up those points."

"Only if it works out, otherwise I'm just getting his hopes up," Dawn said, "but I'm hopeful."

"BBQ & grill," Faith said suddenly. "We'll get an ice chest, fresh steaks, and beer."

"Picnic stuff," Dawn agreed. "Let's go!"

 **OoOooOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

Giles looked over and saw Xander pulling onboard. "That's everyone," he said before holding the radio to his mouth and ordering the crew to take them out.

Xander drove the truck to the center of the deck where the Scoobies had gathered and the three got out. Despite his predictions, no one looked surprised or concerned that Faith was there. He did a quick headcount. "Where's Cordy and Wesley?"

"She's going to meet us out there," Giles replied.

"Family yacht," Xander said with a nod.

The ramp raised itself and a few minutes later the barge slowly pulled out to sea.

Seeing Xander's confusion, Giles spoke up, "The tugboats came with their own crew. I encouraged them to bring anyone they liked, as all we were going to do was sit off the coast for the weekend and hold a small family reunion."

"Good call," Xander said, "that gives us some more people."

"Let's set up the grill and break out the steaks," Faith said. "If the world is ending and there's nothing I can do, I'll be damned if I face it sober and hungry!"

"Amen!" Giles said with a firm nod. "I'll get the scotch."

"I'll set up the grill," Faith said.

"Buffy, I'll need your help; we've also got patio furniture to put out," Xander told her.

"Sounds good," Buffy agreed.

"I'll help set up and cook," Joyce said.

"I'll get the ice chests and drinks," Dawn said.

"I'll invite the tugboat crews," Willow said, holding out a hand for the hand-held radio Giles had.

"I'll bring my guitar and… Does anyone mind if I smoke?" Oz asked cautiously.

"I'll be smoking as well, so I doubt it," Joyce replied.

"Not cigarettes," Oz said pointedly.

"As long as you brought enough for everyone, I'm fine with it," Giles assured him.

Oz smiled faintly. "I don't think that's a problem."

The gang quickly went to work while Willow extended an invitation to the tug boat crews.

"I never thought it would end like this," Buffy admitted as she and Xander set out a picnic table.

"Neither did I," Xander agreed. "This is a lot more cheerful and upbeat than I expected."

"Yeah," Buffy said perking up. "What's all the bricks for?" she asked, noticing the stacks of bricks while they retrieved another table.

"Putting together a firepit so we aren't making a campfire directly on the deck," Xander explained.

"Can we roast marshmallows?" Buffy asked eagerly.

"I got all the makings for smores," Dawn said, having overheard the conversation as she drug out another ice chest.

"Bless you!" Buffy exclaimed happily.

"She seems to come up with just the right idea at the right time," Xander said, making Dawn grin.

"Isn't that your shtick?" Buffy asked.

Xander shrugged. "Well now there are two of us."

Faith had to struggle to hide her amusement as Dawn's smile grew to epic proportions.

 **OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

Malcolm made one last check before joining everyone on deck.

"About time you got here, we were about to leave without you," Jayne said.

"Speak for yourself," Zoe said with a smile.

"I can smell the meat cooking from here, I am speaking for myself," Jayne said, wondering who she had thought he was speaking for.

"It's a strange place to hold a family reunion," Inara said.

"I smell pot," Simon said with a frown.

"We're five miles out," Malcolm said with a smile, "U.S. laws don't apply."

"I can see why they'd hold it five miles out," Inara admitted.

"Is it safe for me to take River up there?" Simon asked, concerned.

"I've smoked pot before," River said.

"What?!" Simon stared at his younger sister. "You're only fifteen!"

"If you were any more uptight you'd be British," River told him.

"What does that even mean?" Simon asked, confused.

"I've met a couple of them," Malcolm said, "they seem pretty normal, but if it makes you feel better, I'll keep an eye on her."

"Thank you, Mr. Reynolds, that would be much appreciated," Simon said.

"Food awaits!" Wash called out, scurrying up the gangplank and onto the other ship.

Everyone hurried after him only to stop and stare when they reached the top.

"That is a massive amount of supplies," Zoe noted.

"And only a small amount of people," Wash added.

"Rich people are nuts," Jayne noted, "but in this case less people means more grub."

"Most of them are my age," River said cheerfully, heading towards the party, causing everyone else to move so they wouldn't be left behind.

"Ahoy the barge!" Malcolm called out as they approached the group. "Permission to come aboard?"

"Something appropriately nautical!" Giles called back and waved them forward.

"You're supposed to say, permission granted," Xander explained to Giles.

"Well, he'll know for next time," Malcolm said, offering a hand to Giles, who put a glass of scotch in it.

"Rupert Giles," he introduced himself. "My cover is a professional librarian."

"Malcolm Reynolds," the tug boat captain replied, "just a captain." He took a sip of the scotch. "This is good stuff."

"So… This is a family reunion?" Kaylee asked lightly.

"No, we're one of those end of the world cults," Xander said cheerfully. "We plan on partying all weekend and if the world hasn't ended by Monday… We go back to our normal lives and plan our next party… erm, end of the world event."

The tug crews and their friends laughed and joined the group, making individual introductions, the ice broken.

"Aren't cults supposed to be evil no-fun groups of nut cases?" River asked Xander, stepping close to him and causing Dawn to frown.

"That's us to a tee," Xander said with a grin. "Why, just the other day we were plotting on overthrowing the local government."

Everyone laughed as Joyce passed out plates of steaks and Faith showed them where the drinks were.

"So what's supposed to end the world this time?" Jayne asked curiously.

"Zombie apocalypse," Giles said. "At midnight the Egyptian god Anubis is going to cause all the dead to rise."

"The slow type of zombies that die if you shoot them in the head?" Jayne asked.

"Yes," Giles agreed.

"Doesn't sound like much of an apocalypse to me," Jayne said. "I mean sure in those commie states they might be a problem, but back home in Alabama they ain't nothing but a bit of target practice."

The Scoobies exchanged glances.

"The Constitution protects us from Zombie Apocalypses," Willow said slowly.

"Yeah, ain't it great!" Jayne said cluelessly.

"So… America and Sweden are good, it's just the rest of the world that's screwed," Faith said.

"Israel would also be good," Xander added.

"If you guys are crazy, it's a good kind of crazy," River said cheerfully.

"River!" Simon hissed at his sister.

"Where am I?!" a young woman called out as she approached the group, coming out from in between the semis.

Xander turned to Dawn. "You kidnapped Harmony?"

"She backed into the truck," Dawn reminded him.

Faith grabbed a wine cooler, opened it, and handed it to the groggy teen. "Here, join the party."

"Thanks," Harmony said, automatically taking a drink as she looked around.

"Why kidnap Harmony?" Willow asked, happy to change the subject.

"She backed into the truck and we didn't have time to handle the insurance paperwork," Dawn explained.

"I've been kidnapped?" Harmony asked.

"Yes, have some pizza," Faith told her, handing her a plate with several pieces of pizza on it.

"Thanks," Harmony said cheerfully. "Am I being sold into sex slavery? No, I know! You're going to make me do kinky sexual things while waiting for my parents to pay a ransom for me!"

"And Xander will be in charge of that," Oz told her, before taking another hit off his joint.

Harmony skipped over to Xander, who had to place a hand on Dawn's arm to keep her from shooting the blonde with another tranq.

"Has anyone kidnapped anyone else?" Giles asked, topping off Malcolm's drink and refilling his own.

"I was forced to come along," Wash offered.

Zoe rolled her eyes. "I didn't exactly twist your arm, hon."

"You said you were going to be here," Wash pointed out. "You've got me by the short hairs, woman!"

"That's sweet," Kaylee said with a grin.

"Indeed," Giles agreed. "But seriously, has anyone either on accident or design kidnapped anyone else?"

"Is that a common problem?" Inara asked.

"Only in Sunnydale," Giles said.

"We didn't," Buffy said.

"We didn't," Willow added.

"Andrew," Oz said.

"Andrew," Willow said thoughtfully. "He wouldn't…"

"He would," Oz said, offering the joint to Willow.

"Andrew?" Simon asked.

"We bought a bunch of RPG manuals," Oz explained while Willow coughed her lungs out. "He asked if he could look through a couple and take some notes, since he couldn't afford his own copies."

"We let him ride along in the back while we bought supplies," Willow explained once she could breathe again. "Knowing him, he's probably still in the back of the truck copying out the manuals by hand."

"You didn't check?" Buffy asked.

"It was just before lunch and the section he was in kinda got walled off by boxes," Willow admitted.

"That's Sunnydale for ya," Buffy said cheerfully.

"Pretty sure it's just you guys," Faith said.

Buffy shrugged. "No cop, no crime."

"You don't think… Harmony is going to press charges?" Zoe asked curiously.

Everyone turned to where Dawn, River, and Xander were listening wide eyed as Harmony was pantomiming something with a bright smile on her face.

"Probably not," Zoe conceded.

 **Typing by: Abyssal Angel**

 **TN: Wow, that Firefly crossover came outta nowhere! Can't wait to see what comes next!**

 **AN: I realized I needed a tug crew and well… who better.**


	6. Chapter 6

"Why don't we take a look at the tour buses and see which one we'd prefer?" Dawn suggested, wanting to separate Xander from the two interlopers.

"And which has the most comfortable bed!" Harmony agreed, grabbing Dawn and Xander's hand and dragging them towards the buses.

River grinned and followed, her brother's call for her not to wander off answered with a one fingered wave.

Kaylee grabbed Simon's arm to prevent him from going after his younger sister. "Let her have a little fun."

"Leaving her alone with a young man I don't know?" he asked incredulously.

She giggled. "Three girls, one guy," Kaylee pointed out, "I highly doubt he'll do anything they don't agree with."

"I suppose you're right," he admitted. Simon turned to Rupert who was enjoying talking about the use of machetes to discourage trespassers onboard and asked, "Is the young man of sound moral character?"

"He saved my life with CPR," Buffy offered.

"He used a car to save mine," Faith said with a smirk, unable to stop herself from competing with Buffy.

"I once tried to seduce him wearing only a rain coat and he spun around and refused to look at me or accept my advances because I was...a little tipsy," Buffy said with a challenging look at Faith.

"I... OK, I may have misjudged things," Faith admitted, knowing Buffy would know about the incident in question without her going into details, "he wasn't so much willing as unwilling to hurt me, so...he just went along with it."

Buffy winced. "Dang," she told Faith, knowing that kind of rejection must have stung.

Kaylee pushed a joint into Simon's mouth, much to everyone's amusement. "You don't want to become British, do you?"

Rupert raised an eyebrow and smirked. "God forbid," he said clearly amused.

"So why a zombie apocalypse?" Malcolm asked.

"The Roman and Egyptian gods made a compact, so long as the Orb of Infinity, that contains the souls of those awaiting judgement, was untouched, Egypt and Rome would be allies, however if the orb were to be disturbed the dead would rise and drown the living in every land that the Romans tread," Rupert explained.

"The Roman empire is kinda...gone," Wash pointed out.

"The Catholic church is often referred to as the Holy Roman Empire and the Romans have had a lot of descendants who have spread all over the globe," Rupert explained. "Basically, there are multiple reasons for the compact to apply to the entire world, so we are either doomed or we aren't, and while we wait to find out which I'm going to be drunk and stuffed."

"And stoned," Oz said setting a bowl full of joints on the table that he'd just finished rolling.

"And that," Giles agreed. He placed an unlit joint in his mouth and snapped his fingers causing the end to light.

"Neat trick," Wash said as Rupert took a long drag.

Willow retrieved a small battery-operated TV and placed it on the table, while everyone was making conversation and getting to know one another.

"What is that sound?" Zoe asked with a frown.

"Government issue thirty-eight," Jayne replied, opening another beer. Seeing that everyone was staring at him he asked, "What?"

"You don't find it concerning?" Inara asked dryly.

Jayne snorted. "It's coming from land, nothing to do with me."

"It's probably begun," Giles said.

The sound of gunfire increased, sounding like strings of firecrackers.

Jayne perked up. "Someone's rockin' full auto."

Willow flipped on the television. "I sent the rotating feed from Sunydale's traffic cams to local UHF forty-two. They probably won't notice until morning and they'll be too busy to deal with it anyway."

The small black and white television showed absolute chaos as zombies began to flood the streets, killing everyone in their path, human or demon. The vampires fared little better than the humans as the zombies eventually buried them with their superior numbers. On screen a pair of polgaras fought back to back, a waist high pile of dismembered corpses piled around them, before the feed flipped to another intersection where nearly a dozen old men shredded scores of zombies with fully automatic machine guns, wide grins on their faces.

Oz shut off the television. "We don't need to see anymore."

"It's really happening," Kaylie said in shock.

"That's impossible," Simon said, not as shocked as he should be, thanks to the joint he was bogarting.

"Wish someone had told me earlier, I'd have gotten some whores," Jayne complained.

Faith laughed. "My sister would have gotten a bunch, but we wouldn't have been able to avoid undercover officers so we couldn't risk it." She sighed and shook her head. "We probably should have tried anyway."

"Are we going to be safe out here?" Mal asked.

"Zombies can't swim, they actually sink unless they are fresh," Giles explained.

"So... if we were a little closer to shore, I could use my zodiac to try and rescue a couple and I'd only be risking myself?" Jayne figured aloud.

"You want to go out into that?" Simon asked in disbelief.

"I don't think I have a choice," Jayne said solemnly. "Not and call myself a man anyway. I mean you all got lucky enough to have everyone that mattered with you. I ain't that lucky."

"This must be some good shit," Simon said, waving the joint, "because I just hallucinated Jayne of all people saying something that made me respect him."

"I can take one of the tugs and get in close enough to give Jayne a chance," Zoe offered, surprising her friends.

"Really?" Mal asked, not questioning her skill, but her volunteering to help Jayne.

"It's little risk on my part and..." she paused before continuing as if saying the words pained her, "he's doing something noble."

"I'll help," Wash told her with a smile.

"We have room and supplies for a couple dozen more people, easy," Buffy offered. "Right, Giles?"

"Indeed," Rupert agreed. "We are not lacking for space or supplies; save as many as you can safely dare."

"Count on it." Jayne said, a look of grim determination on his face.

"One of us should help," Faith said, taking a drag off a joint and passing it to Oz. "Keep an eye on my sis, B?" she told Buffy before following after Zoe, Wash, and Jayne.

Buffy started to move after them, but Joyce grabbed her arm. "She's counting on you to look after Dawn," Joyce said, relieved to have an excuse to be selfish and keep her daughter safe.

"I... OK," Buffy said softly.

 **OoOoOoOoOoOoO**

"I'm coming with you," Faith told them as she hopped on board the tug.

"I can't protect you and save them at the same time," Jayne complained.

"I can take care of myself," Faith said, "I'm coming along as back up."

"I... I suppose you can help," Jayne agreed. "What kind of guns do you prefer?"

"The noise will just bring more of them down on us," Faith pointed out, "think melee weapons, like a bat or an axe. Remember we're facing zombies."

"And we'll be on the move not picking 'em off from a stand," Jayne realized, redoing his plan in his head. "I'll go with a bat and bring a 38 in case I need to make some noise and draw them off."

"Got a fire axe?" Faith asked Wash.

"I think so," Wash said, "let me go ask the Misses."

"What's the plan?" Faith asked.

"I got half a dozen people I want to get," Jayne said thoughtfully. "They're having a party so I can get them all at once. I figure we steal a truck or van, get in-get out as quickly as possible."

"Nice and simple," Faith said, "works for me."

"Do your best to keep up," Jayne said, "cause... I... I don't think I'll risk 'em to save you, they mean too much to me. I'd like to think I would, but I don't know that I would, you know?"

Faith nodded. "I know how it is. Don't worry, I got this."

"Good," Jayne said, "cause I don't know what I'd do if I lost..." He turned around and wiped suspiciously moist eyes. "Let's just get ready."

 **OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

"Oh look," Harmony said, before downing her wine cooler in one gulp, "an empty bottle."

"Seriously, spin the bottle?" Dawn asked. She'd always pictured older teens as being a lot more mature than these three seemed to be.

"And what's wrong with kissing?" Harmony asked.

"Nothing," Dawn quickly said, "I just thought we'd be doing a lot more. Plus, they'll be a lot of re-spinning since we have three girls to one guy."

"Ain't nothing wrong with a little...practice," River said with a fake southern drawl and a leer.

"Besides, half the fun is getting there, if not three quarters," Harmony said. "At least I hope so."

"You've never?" Dawn asked curiously.

"Made out with a girl?" Harmony asked. "Once or twice when I was younger and I've actually been tempted by this one teacher. Her name was Miss French and I guess she loved my perfume because I could see her inhale and turn towards me with a little smile until she saw I was a girl. For a second I was majorly tempted," she babbled.

"Miss French," Xander said thoughtfully. "She was beautiful." He decided to leave it at that, no need to ruin anyone's fantasy.

"No, I meant... have sex, like with a guy," Dawn explained.

"Once in junior high," Harmony replied. "Aura snuck in some wine for us to try and I got drunk and well..."

"That's what your reputation is based on?" Xander asked curiously.

"That and Cordelia being better at spreading rumors than I am," Harmony replied with a shrug, "but that's why she's the queen."

"High school sucks," Dawn said, "and the good thing about the world ending is so does it."

"I can not tell you how good hearing that makes me feel," Harmony said before setting the bottle firmly between them and spinning it.

Dawn looked down at the bottle and then looked up at the grinning blonde in surprise.

"Pucker up," Harmony breathed, licking her lips.

 **OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

"How much weed do you have?" Kaylee asked Oz curiously.

"A bale," Oz replied.

"I thought we had three," Willow said.

"We do, one's for everyone," Oz explained.

Everyone turned to stare at the pair.

"We also brought around twenty chickens," Willow offered.

"Chickens?" Kaylee asked.

"Fresh eggs," Willow replied, "plus...you know, chicken."

"How did you get three bales?" Giles asked.

"Uncles' farm," Oz replied.

"It's where we got the horse trailer," Willow offered.

"And you didn't bring them along?" Joyce asked.

"They'd rather deal with the zombies," Oz replied.

"Unless the get mobbed, which is only a problem in town, werewolves don't really have a problem with zombies," Willow explained.

"Werewolves?" Simon asked in disbelief before the distant sound of gunfire reminded him they were currently in a zombie apocalypse.

"Werewolves," Oz agreed.

"Why would that lead to bales of pot?" Simon asked trying to figure out how everything fit together.

"Female werewolf period cramps," Oz replied, causing everyone to wince, even those who hadn't known werewolves existed before today.

"Smoke enough and the wolf isn't a problem," Willow offered, "of course that doesn't help if you have school where the teachers are on the lookout for drug use."

"Plus, you can't write songs while high," Oz added, "they all sound good until you come down."

"And two bales will keep you safely stoned as needed for the next year or so," Giles said with a nod.

"I wonder how many farmers are werewolves," Mal said thoughtfully.

"All the ones with massive marijuana crops apparently," Inara offered.

 **OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

Faith and Jayne pulled the black fifteen-foot inflatable raft up on the beach, the twenty-horse power prop laying in the back ready for use when they needed it. Faith snatched up the fire axe and took out the single zombie that was close enough to notice them, as it crawled along the ground, the incoming tide having pulled its legs out from under it and it was two slow to get back to its feet before the next wave tripped it up again.

Jayne smile at seeing how easily and calmly Faith had taken out the undead creature, satisfied she'd actually be helpful to have along. He picked up a battered old boombox and headed for the parking lot.

Roads might be blocked by mobs of zombies and crashed cars," Faith voiced as she scanned the area for threats, seeing at least two dozen zombies scattered about.

"That's what sidewalks are for," he replied taking note of the larger vehicles in the lot. "See the truck with the huge tires?"

Faith nodded. "Yeah, doubt the keys are in it and they usually have a pretty good security system if they're going to go to all the trouble of putting a lift kit on it."

Jayne nodded. "Just look for the douchiest zombie, he'll have the keys on him."

"Douchiest?" she asked amused.

Jayne nodded, grinning as he spotted their target. "That one armed blonde zombie with the 'Big Dog' T-shirt and khaki shorts," he replied. "The massive amounts of hair gel is a dead giveaway," he confided in her.

Faith had to bite her lip to keep from laughing.

"Wonder where his other arm is," Jayne said, before spotting a young blond woman chewing on it. He picked up a Frisbee someone had dropped and flung it towards the one-armed zombie, missing by several feet as a gust of wind hit it.

"What was that for?" Faith asked.

"Be faster if he's coming to meet us," Jayne replied, "and seconds count."

"Point," Faith agreed as they walked towards the pair of zombies who were stumbling around aimlessly.

Jayne set the boombox down when they were a dozen feet away and gave his bat a few practice swings. "Biff," he called out softly, causing the zombie to turn around. "Ha, knew it!"

Faith split the female zombies head in half while Jayne knee capped the male and then broke its neck with a strike to the temple. "He was probably just reacting to the sound," she said, amused.

Jayne rolled the zombie for valuables, opening its wallet and tossing her its driver's license before pocketing the cash and dropping it on the ground.

"Son of a bitch," she said as she read the name on the license.

"I almost guessed Chad," Jayne admitted, "but I didn't smell any cologne."

"Why-" Faith began then stopped herself. "Forget it. Now, let's see if the keys go to the truck."

Jayne retrieved his boombox on the way past. "I could be wrong," he admitted, "but this just means we have to steal a better vehicle on the way."

"Where are we headed?" Faith asked, pausing to take out a zombie life guard as they entered the parking lot.

"Outskirts of town," Jayne replied. "It's a ranch house turned studio."

 ***click***

"Two for two," Jayne said relieved as he pulled open the door and let Faith hop in. He used the step to climb up and in the truck, closing and locking the door and adjusting the mirrors before starting it.

"Studio?" Faith repeated, as she buckled up herself.

"It's a small studio, they only have half a dozen actors," he replied.

Faith put the pieces together as he drove. "A porn studio? We're risking our lives to save your favorite porn stars?"

"Yep," he replied cheerfully.

Faith stared at him in disbelief for a minute before grinning. "You're awesome, you know that?"

"Yep," he repeated with a grin before flooring it and speeding out of the parking lot.

 **Typing by: hawfeld**


	7. Chapter 7

Xander slowly woke up, finding himself in a pile with Harmony, River, and Dawn. They were all still dressed but it felt nice to wake up with friends even if no sexy times were involved. Besides there had been plenty of kissing and enough groping for everyone, Harmony had made sure of that.

He started to stir, but Harmony and Dawn's grips tightened on him. 'Glad I don't have to pee,' he thought to himself as he relaxed and enjoyed the closeness. The day would come soon enough, but for the moment he'd enjoy the peace and quiet.

"Ah ha!"

The girls woke up a little cranky as they glared at the man who had yelled.

"I don't know who this dick is," Dawn said. "Would someone mind beating him?" she snuggled into Xander who tightened his grip on her, making her smile.

"I don't want to get up, I'm comfy," Harmony whined between River and Xander.

"He's my brother, I'll beat him," River volunteered before getting up.

"Isn't the gentleman supposed to beat annoying guys for the lady?" Harmony asked.

"Ow! Ow! Ow!" Simon whined as River dragged him away by his ear.

"I deal with real threats, not comedic ones," Xander replied.

"But he could have gotten you pregnant!" Simon complained.

"Don't be silly," River said firmly waiting for Simon to relax before continuing, "anal sex doesn't cause pregnancy."

Simon just stared in shock before River pushed him out the door and locked it.

Dawn buried her face in Xander's chest to muffle her laughter while Harmony and Xander just laughed like crazy.

"That was beautiful," Xander said as River returned to the bed. "Ten out of ten!"

"Anal!" Harmony burst out causing another round of laughter.

River crawled back in bed next to Harmony. "It was the first thing that sprang to mind since he was being a pain in the ass."

"I could stay like this all day," Harmony said, throwing an arm around River.

"This bus has a hot tub," Dawn announced.

"Make that, I could stay like this until I have to pee and then we can try out the hot tub," Harmony corrected herself.

"That sounds like a plan," Xander said, finding the end of the world to be surprisingly enjoyable.

"Do we have any birth control?" River asked. "I'm not saying we need any at the moment, but in the future…"

"We emptied several pharmacies of all their supplies," Xander replied. "We got pills and condoms to last years."

"We got anyone who knows enough to give out birth control?" Dawn asked. "Cause normally you need a doc for things like that."

"Let me put it this way," Xander said, "Willow read in one of her Mom's psychology books that it was normal for young adults to play doctor, so we did… from eleven to thirteen years of age."

Harmony laughed so hard the bed shook.

"And that's funny because…" River drawled out, deciding not to mention that her brother was a qualified general practitioner.

"We almost ended up as RNAs," Xander explained, "but it turns out they couldn't actually register us until we turned sixteen."

"Willow is 'Red', right?" Dawn asked, recalling the stories Faith had told her.

"That's what Faith calls her," Xander agreed.

"She's like the opposite of an idiot savant," Harmony said.

"An idiot in one category and a genius in all the others?" River asked curiously.

"Socially she is clueless," Harmony agreed, "and in every other thing she is like… beyond smart."

"Do you not like smart people?" River asked, hearing something in Harmony's tone.

"I don't like when they act like total bitches to me," Harmony admitted, clutching Xander tightly. "I don't have anything wrong with me just because I have to actually work to pass honors classes."

Xander kissed Harmony's forehead. "I'm sorry she treated you like that, I know Willow can be really, really, really abrasive when it comes to people not being as smart as she is."

"How do you put up with her?" Dawn asked Xander. "I mean, sis said you were cute and strong, but not exactly Einstein. She really isn't sure what to make of you. One moment you say something so stupid she's sure you've taken a few too many blows to the head and the next minute you spot some problem no one else even noticed."

"I find life is a lot less stressful if I keep people's expectations of me low," Xander replied. "Plus, sometimes saying something stupid breaks the tension and gets people to actually think when they get blocked."

"He's actually smart," Harmony assured Dawn, "he just doesn't act like it."

"I'm not that smart," Xander disagreed.

"You are passing all the honor classes while not putting any real effort in," Harmony argued. "If you didn't blow off so many assignments you'd be much higher in the rankings."

"I know smart," Xander said, "and I know my limits and sometimes I have a real tough time following Willow's 'simplified for Xander' explanations."

"The teachers sometimes have a hard time following her explanations," Harmony countered. "You only look slow compared to Willow and she's murder on the soul of anyone who is anywhere near average."

Xander squeezed Harmony. "I'm sorry if I ever made you feel bad about being you."

"Your zingers were rarely mean spirited and you always gave me a chance to fire back," Harmony said. "I really appreciated that."

"I'm kinda like Willow… except for the bitch part, I hope," River admitted. "I mean, if I was an idiot in one area… I wouldn't know it, because I was an idiot."

Harmony turned her head and pecked River on the lips. "You've been fine and I promise if you are ever bitchy I'll let you know."

"Good," River said.

Everyone was quiet for a minute.

"Hot tub?" Dawn suggested.

"Yeah," came the unanimous response.

 **OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

Kaylee turned to Simon as he picked himself up off the deck next to the tour bus. "I told you it was a bad idea. There are a limited number of guys available, so unless you want her dating Jayne, maybe you should let her figure out what she wants without your input."

Simon made a face. "Jayne?"

"I suppose she could try dating Oz with Willow, but she's not really into short guys," Kaylee explained.

"What about that one fellow, the one who was in the trailer?" Simon asked hopefully.

"Andrew?" Kaylee asked before laughing. "I think he'd be more interested in dating Xander himself."

"Oh," Simon said, disappointed. "She could try being a lesbian."

"Part time maybe," Kaylee replied, ignoring Simon's reaction, she dragged him towards the picnic tables. "Come on, Mr. Giles and Mal have been keeping track of things and we need to figure out if there's anything we need to do right now."

Simon allowed himself to be manhandled by his girl. "If the world's ended, what's left to do?"

"Don't know," Kaylee replied, "that's why we're going to find out."

Most of the adults were present, drinking coffee and listening to Mal slowly scan the frequencies and mark down positive results. A TV sat nearby broadcasting an empty intersection, the pavement covered in gore and spent casings.

"Anything need doing?" Kaylee asked while helping herself to a cup of coffee.

"Not at present," Giles replied. "We can find busy work if you require some, however the plan at this time has everyone taking forty eight hours of down time to help deal with the stress."

"Is that wise?" Simon asked.

"Everything is chaos at the moment, but most of it should stabilize in the span of a couple of days," Giles explained. "Also for psychological reasons, time to accept the new reality while not being in danger is essential to being able to handle it without sustaining additional mental trauma."

"That makes perfect sense," Simon conceded.

"I'll take some busywork," Kaylee offered. "It helps me relax and take my mind off things."

"If you'd care to go through the various trucks and write a rough estimate of the supplies on the back of the truck in grease pencil it would be appreciated," Giles offered.

"I think I'd like to help with that," Joyce said. "I was thinking of stocking one of the barge's offices with commonly needed items, like toilet paper and personal supplies so we wouldn't have to go digging every time we needed something."

"I'd also like to set up an infirmary before we need one," Simon said.

"I'll help with all that," Inara decided. "I like to keep busy."

"Where's Zoe and Wash?" Kaylee asked.

"Still in bed," Mal replied, amused. "If you'll look off the side of the ship, you'll see a pair of rather large yachts."

"And?" Kaylee asked curiously.

"Not content with merely rescuing his loved ones, Jayne proceeded to steal a luxury yacht for them to stay on and then insisted on going back for his raft," Mal replied, amused.

"The second yacht actually belongs to another member of our group who arrived fashionably late," Giles explained.

"Was it prostitutes or strippers?" Kaylee asked. "I have five riding on Jayne rescuing a couple of girls from a strip club."

"Neither," Inara said with a smirk.

"He actually had family in the area?" Simon asked, surprised.

"He crashed a release party at a porn studio and rescued all the actors," Inara replied.

"Huh," Simon said after a minute, "that was very decent of him."

"What bet did you have?" Kaylee asked him.

"I gave him the benefit of the doubt and bet it was the population of a local bar," Simon replied.

"Did anyone bet porn studio?" Mal asked.

"No," Inara said, "the pool rolls over to the next bet on what outrageous thing he'll do."

"Anything?" Giles asked Mal.

"There are a number of shelters, all of which are doing fine and have enough stocks for six months or so. Is nine months a solid number?" Mal asked.

"No, six months is probably enough in most cases, nine months was what Xander decided guaranteed complete safety," Giles explained. "As long as one is sufficiently armed and cautious they should be able to deal with whatever heavily deteriorated zombies remain after six months."

"Why are we using that… kid's information?" Simon asked, still upset about Xander having intimate knowledge of his younger sister.

"Because he's the one who had a plan prepared for this situation," Giles said, knowing why Simon was annoyed at Xander and hiding his own amusement, "and all of his decisions were spot on as it turns out."

"Is he claustrophobic?" Inara asked curiously.

"I don't believe so, why?" Giles replied.

"Because I think most people's first response would be to get to a fallout shelter, not go to sea," she explained.

"In the time we had available, this was the best option," Giles told her. "I don't believe we'd be even remotely as well situated if we'd tried to stock a shelter in the time we had available."

"I hear ya," Mal agreed. "Hell, I've got one shelter just outside of town complaining they desperately need medications they didn't have time to retrieve and alcohol that they accidentally left topside."

"Accidentally… Was their name Tony Harris by any chance?" Giles asked.

"Jessica Harris," Mal replied. "You know them?"

"It's Xander's parents," Joyce explained with a groan. "You know he'll insist on helping them."

"Not unless he's got a plan for getting through that," Kaylee said, waving at the television where a small army of zombies stumbled through the intersection, mostly sticking to the sidewalks for some reason.

"I got ten that says he does," Giles bet.

"Rupert!" Joyce complained before sighing. "Sucker bet."

 **Typing By: Abyssal Angel**

 **TN: What is an RNA? I googled it and only got Ribonucleic Acid…**

 **AN: Registered Nursing Assistant.**

 **Omake by Hawfeld**

"That is a massive amount of supplies," Zoe noted.

"And only a small amount of people," Wash added.

"Rich people are nuts," Jayne noted, "but in this case less people means more grub."

"Most of them are my age," River said cheerfully, heading towards the party, causing everyone else to move so they wouldn't be left behind.

"So, end-of-worlders?" Wash asked Zoe.

"Sure looks like it," Zoe said nodding slowly in agreement.

"Twenty says they think it'll be Aliens," Wash stated.

"Nuclear war," Zoe said taking the bet.

"Global Warming," Jayne said, causing the others to look at him in confusion. "What? I heard about it on the news."

Simon,watching the byplay, looked at Mal in confusion.

"We've gotten a couple of fares like this in the past few years. We'll go out for what we're expected and when nothin' happens, we take 'em home." Mal stated. "Most folks haven't heard that Sunnydale hosts the slayers. Ain't nothin' gonna happen here while those girls are on the job."

Nodding in understanding Simon glanced at each of the others before stating with conviction,"Plague."

"Ahoy the barge!" Malcom called out as they approached the group. "Permission to come aboard?"


	8. Chapter 8

It was nearly lunch time before the four exited the tour bus, ready for some food.

"The tour bus idea was inspired," Xander complimented Dawn once more.

"You just like it because it's as luxurious as the best hotel room and has a rock star feel," Dawn replied with a grin.

"And?" Xander asked.

"And nothing," Dawn said, "I'm just gloating."

The group burst out laughing.

As the four reached the picnic tables where Joyce and Kaylee were cooking chicken, Giles and Mal were listening to the radio and taking notes, others were moving boxes of stuff inside the super structure.

"What's our status?" Xander asked.

"Most of the world is in chaos," Giles replied. "Only the countries where private firearm ownership is prevalent seem to have any hope of keeping any degree of their population alive. The US military has allowed any members of the armed forces to leave their service provided they promise to help any civilians they run across while trying to rescue their own family members, so about three quarters of the US armed forces are scattering across the continent."

"They are avoiding population centers, unless that's where their families are, and are directing civilians to the nearest military bases," Mal added. "A good eighty percent of US bases came through with minimal casualties. I expect a huge chunk of zombies are going to be taken out by them alone."

"The freshly dead will stop rising by the next new moon," Giles said. "Anubis was, thankfully, merciful in terms of duration."

"What's the local situation?" Xander asked.

"The Sunnydale National Guard base was completely wiped out," Giles reported. "Not really a surprise considering the number of dead locally. The majority of fallout shelters have formed their own radio network and are quite chipper, only having minor problems save for one or two."

"Tell him," Joyce ordered.

"Fine," Giles said with a sigh. "Your parents' shelter reported that they have need of some medication for several of their members that they overlooked in their haste to get to safety as well as several crates of alcohol that they left topside."

"Betty Chase also sent you a personal thank you," Joyce said. "While she wasn't able to save Carlos or Chanelle, she was able to save several families besides her own." Joyce turned to Harmony. "One of those families was the Kendalls."

"I wasn't worried about them," Harmony said, "but thanks."

"Don't get along with them?" Dawn asked.

"No, we get along fine," Harmony assured her. "See, my dad has a massive gun collection and stone walls three feet thick surrounding our place."

Willow had been passing by with a box of shaving supplies but stopped to listen. "Aren't your parents part of the anti-gun movement?"

"Yeah, why?" Harmony asked.

"If they're anti-gun why would they have guns?" Willow asked slowly. She really hated dealing with Harmony.

Xander put his arm around Harmony's waist and gave Willow a look.

"I'm not trying to be mean," Willow defended herself, "I genuinely don't get it."

Harmony leaned into Xander and gave him a smile before answering, "The anti-gun movement isn't against guns as a whole, it's against poor people owning guns."

"What?" Willow asked, unable to believe what she was hearing as she was part of the anti-gun movement herself.

"Do you have any idea how many people are shot and killed in the inner cities each day?" Harmony asked. "The amount is insane. Well off neighborhoods have regular police patrols and armed guards, gun crimes are pretty much non-existent, so all the laws are targeting the largest group of offenders, the poor. All of the laws and regulations can be handled easily if you have money. If you have money you aren't likely to commit any crime involving guns, so the laws aren't written to apply to them."

"Laws always benefit the rich," Faith said with a shrug, startling everyone who'd been too busy listening to Harmony to notice her approach.

"Guns only belong in the hands of those who can responsibly handle them," Harmony said, "Mainly that's police and private security services."

"Do you really believe all that?" Faith asked.

"My parents make me go to a bunch of events where I'm expected to smile and agree and repeat things my dad says." She shrugged. "Personally, I don't see how more laws are going to help, criminals don't obey laws or they wouldn't be criminals."

"Yes, but if you reduce the number of guns it reduces the amount available for criminals to get a hold of," Willow said.

"Like prohibition prevented drinking and the drug wars prevented people from getting drugs?" Harmony asked innocently.

"Um… I gotta go finish this," Willow said, retreating as she wasn't remotely prepared to debate the issue at the moment.

Faith was polite enough to wait until Willow was far enough away not to hear her before bursting out laughing. "That was great!"

"Didn't you claim just to be average?" River asked. "That was not an average argument."

Harmony shrugged. "I've heard both sides of the argument until I was sick of it and I have no clue who's right or what the solution is. As far as I can tell you can't keep people safe because there is always going to be a bunch of jerks who break the law and hurt people."

"No, that pretty much sums up the situation," Giles said. "You can't legislate morality, though Lord knows they try."

"Well, the zombies solved that problem," River said, "anyone who let themselves be disarmed is probably dead."

"Hey, no more political arguments," Xander said cheerfully. "the zombies have killed both sides equally and simplified everything."

"Doesn't that mean we'll have to handle all the politics ourselves now?" Joyce asked, much to the teens' horror.

"Actually, with the reduction in population and abundance of resources, very few laws will be needed, society will be able to get by with something as simple as a dozen laws," Giles said thoughtfully.

"Oh, thank God!" Xander exclaimed.

"Celebratory orgy?" River asked Xander loudly as she saw her brother approach.

"After lunch," Harmony said firmly, "I'm hungry."

"Ditto," Xander and Dawn chorused.

Simon didn't rise to the bait this time, as he could tell his sister was just messing with him.

"What are you going to do about your parents?" Dawn asked.

Xander sighed. "Well first I need to verify what kind of medication they need, which I'm willing to bet is antibiotics, then I'm going to pack all my clothes in a water proof bag and swim to shore. I'll stay out of sight until I can get to the petstore on main, which is close to the bike shop. I'll grab a dozen bottles of antibiotics, snag a bike, and drop off what my parents need. I'll swing back by the Chase mansion and see how things are there, depending on what the zombie population is."

Simon snorted. "We are five miles out. Even if you can swim that far, you'll be easy prey for the zombies due to exhaustion."

"Swim team?" Giles asked.

"Yep," Xander agreed. "A complete blood transfusion stopped the transformation, but it didn't reverse the changes I'd already undergone, thankfully."

"That does explain your confidence in swimming to shore," Giles said. "How sure are you about traveling through Sunnydale unmolested?"

"Do you know that vampires don't often look up?" Xander asked cheerfully.

"First zombies, then werewolves, and now vampires?" Simon asked, but everyone ignored him once more.

"The roof tops?" Giles asked, surprised.

"Very handy downtown, but not so much the rest of the place," Xander said.

"Impressively quick plan," Faith said.

"Already had that one in the bag for when Willow needs something from the hardware store," Xander explained.

"But how would you carry something heavy back while swimming?" Simon asked.

"Steal a boat," Xander replied. "If that didn't work I could just stick a float on it and tow it. Wrap it in plastic if I need to."

Simon was surprised he'd answered, having expected to be ignored after his earlier behavior.

"Anything else new?" Xander asked.

"Jayne, one of the crew from the tugs, took Faith to rescue some people," Giles said, gesturing for Faith to continue the story.

"The guy, Jayne, reminds me of you a little," Faith told Xander, "Not in looks or anything, but in coming up with a decent plan and pulling it off to do some crazy shit. See, we took a tug close to shore, rode an inflatable boat in and grabbed a jacked up truck."

"Next time tell me before you do something like that," Dawn complained checking over her sister to make sure she was uninjured.

Faith put up with Dawn fussing over her with a grin. "I ain't a cock block and it was a simple milk run. Now, get this, Jayne and me rescued… a half dozen porn stars."

"Jayne is a simple man with complex emotions," Mal said in the sudden silence.

Faith laughed. "He used a boom box to lure all the zombies off the pier and stole a yacht to bring them out here. After that, he went back to grab the inflatable we rode in on. The yacht is tied up next to the party girl's you used to date," she told Xander.

"Cordelia and Wes made it?" Xander asked. "Good," he said with a nod.

"Cordelia also managed to bring several of her employees along," Giles said. "Her maid, gardener, and the maintenance man."

Xander beamed. "Excellent. Betty will be happy to hear Carlos is OK and Alan is a genius at fixing things."

"Carlos was the gardener?" Giles asked.

Xander nodded. "He's got a green thumb. You can tell because despite water rationing, the Chase estate's lawns were green all year round. If we're going to set up a greenhouse out here, which I figure we'll want to do, he can show us what to do before he talks me into taking him to Betty."

"I got a weird question," Faith said. "While me and Jayne were rescuing his 'loved ones' I noticed butt plugs all over the place. There were at least half a dozen lying on the ground on every block. What's up with that?"

"Xander, if you'd care to field that one," Giles said, waving towards him.

Xander laughed. "When you fill a body with embalming fluid you have to keep it from leaking out, so the mortician plugs the hole. When all the dead from the graveyards start walking around, things tend to pop out."

"And you know this how?" River asked curiously.

"To keep the death rate of morticians low in this town, we had to pretend to be ones and explain to any newbies about vampires," Xander explained. "Me and Giles took turns."

"People are far more likely to listen to colleagues than random strangers," Giles explained.

"Buffy never mentioned anything about that," Faith said.

"She couldn't have blended in or pretended to be a mortician to save her life," Xander said. "Slaying involves a lot more than just killing vamps."

"At least on the Watcher's part," Giles agreed.

"So, when are you planning to go into town?" River asked Xander.

"Once I make sure my parents just need anti-biotics and not insulin or heart medication, I figure they can go a couple of days without it while we wait for the vamp population to drop a little more," Xander said. "Have we told the shelters about vamps? They need to know not to invite them in."

"A very good point," Giles agreed. "I'll do that when they do their check in at four."

"Lunch is ready," Joyce told Oz as he passed by with a box.

"I'll let them know," Oz replied.

"Once everyone had gathered, they had to bring out three more picnic tables for the expanded group, Joyce and Kaylee started passing out plates of food.

"Have your plans changed any?" Buffy asked Xander.

"How do you mean?" Xander asked, before taking a drink of orange juice.

"I mean lots of stuff is happening that no one, not even you, thought of, so how does that change all the plans you made?" she explained.

"That's a good point," River said. "The US Military practically disbanding wasn't something I'd ever imagined would happen."

"Well… Since the Sunnydale National Guard has been wiped out we could take that over," Xander considered. "Not right away of course. Giles said the curse of the dead rising will end after the next new moon so we don't want to do anything until then, but that would be a lot safer than the barge and provide enough weapons and armor to keep everyone safe."

"If the zombies killed everyone on base, how do you figure we'll be safer there?" Buffy asked.

"The military didn't realize what they were dealing with," Xander replied. "Who expects dead friends who were just fighting on your side to rise up and join the enemy? Well, besides us of course. Plus, the base has its own morgue which is probably where the killing started. That's one of the reasons I want to wait until the new moon, so we don't have a repeat of that. Military bases are designed to keep things out, not in."

"I wonder why the other bases released so much of their forces," River said.

"That's pretty easy to see," Mal said. "Now, I never ranked high enough to see all the emergency plans they had for complete disasters and I doubt zombies were on the list, but the way all the bases acted the same say they are following the same plan."

"Military bases release excess troops who will help reduce the number of enemy and allow them to stretch their supplies while spreading a heap of good will," Zoe added.

"And once the zombies are gone, will form the nucleus for new population centers following the US Constitution," Simon realized.

"In less than a decade the US will be up and running once more," Jayne said cheerfully.

"It's a good recovery plan," Giles noted. "I wonder if any other country has something similar."

"Russia maybe," Xander said.

"The ruskies are always copying us," Jayne said with a shrug, "but then they'd be stupid not to."

"So, short term plans the same and in a month, we start wiping out zombies?" Buffy asked.

"Sounds about right," Xander agreed. "This means it's even more important to keep the shelters alive, so we have a decent sized population to run everything and scare off raiders."

"Raiders?" Harmony asked.

"Like you said earlier, there are always going to be people who are assholes who like to take things from others and hurt people," Xander said.

"I think the zombies will get most of them," Dawn said hopefully.

"Looks like we're going to need lessons in firearms and basic magic usage," Xander said.

"Firearms?" Buffy asked with a scowl.

"Magic?!" Simon questioned, wide eyed.

"Not all the vamps and demons are going to die out," Xander replied, "plus there are going to be animals and assholes to deal with."

"And who put you in charge?!" Cordelia demanded in what she felt was a reasonable manner.

 ***pfft!***

 ***thump!***

"That was uncalled for!" Wesley exclaimed, while he checked to make sure Cordelia was alright.

"Nah, I'm pretty sure she was calling for that, even if she didn't realize it," Faith said cheerfully.

"I thought you gave me the tranq pistol back yesterday," Xander said, before helping himself to more chicken, completely unconcerned.

"The Mayor saw how much I liked it, so he sent me a bunch," Dawn replied.

"You can't just go around darting people," Buffy said.

"We aren't a democracy, we aren't voting for who's in charge," Xander said. "We also aren't assholes, at least I hope not. What we are is people trying to survive an apocalypse that is still ongoing. What we need to do is pretty obvious, but it's all voluntary. If anyone doesn't like a plan they don't have to participate. Does any of that sound unreasonable?"

"Sounds like a plan," Faith said with a grin.

"She was just trying to speak her mind," Wesley defended the unconscious girl.

"Didn't she specialize in taking control of groups and being a bitch to people?" Faith asked, pointing a thumb at Cordelia.

"She's been better the last year or so," Willow offered.

"Well, something made her backslide," Harmony said, "cause she sounds like her old self at school."

"Stress," Giles suggested. "Everyone responds differently, but many people fall back into old behavioral patterns."

"So basically, she was cranky and needed a nap?" Buffy asked.

Giles considered it. "Essentially, yes."

"Always happy to help," Dawn said, completely unrepentant, "and if she tries to sabotage anything and cause problems again… I have a lot of darts."

"Save the darts for serious problems," Xander suggested, "I think Oz and Willow have a much better way to relax her and help her de-stress."

"Wha…" Willow turned bright red.

The corner of Oz's mouth quirked up for a moment before he cleared his throat and said, "I think he means rolling her a joint."

"Oh," Willow said. "Good, that's a lot easier. I mean if I had to… but thankfully I don't."

"I'd help," Oz assured her, "but only if needed."

"Good," Willow said, avoiding everyone's eyes, cheeks still really red.

"How long is she going to be out for?" Xander asked.

"I used a ten minute dart," Dawn said.

"You have ten minute darts?" Buffy asked curiously.

"Hey Wes, how about I help you carry her back to her yacht while Oz and Wills get some joints and food for you guys?" Xander asked. "I think she'd be happier waking up in surroundings she controls."

"That is a very good point, thank you," Wesley said.

The two quickly picked her up and crossed the deck carrying her.

"Wes, you are going to need to man up here," Xander said seriously once they were away from the others.

"How do you mean?" he asked.

"A couple of things," Xander said, "think American courtship, not British, she's not one for patience and she needs someone right now."

"I… Well…" Wesley failed to say anything.

"Everything's legal and there is no society to disapprove," Xander told him. "Be confident and decisive! If not for yourself, do it for her!"

"Yes," Wesley said slowly seeming to find some steel in his spine. "I'll do that."

"Good man," Xander said as they crossed over to her yacht and entered the lounge on the massive personal pleasure craft. "I'll see you later, good luck!"

Dawn finished her conversation with Buffy about tranquilizer pistols as Xander sat down.

"Did you really just setup a foursome for your ex?" Faith asked, amused.

"Maybe," Xander said as he saw Oz and Willow crossing the deck with a load of food and drinks visible, "but I prefer to keep my life free from any serious drama and am quite happy with things as they are."

"What about my brother?" River teased.

"I said serious drama, not comedic," he reminded her.

"Hey," Simon complained.

 **Typing by: Abyssal Angel**


End file.
